Juno

"Dude, I think it's best to just tell 'em."

"I'm Pregnant."

"Oh, God.."

"But, uh ah, I'm going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect couple, they're going to pay for the medical expenses and everything. And and what ah 30 or odd weeks we can just pretend that this never happened."

"You're pregnant?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry.. And if it is any consolation I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since like Wednesday.. morning."

"I didn't even know that you were sexually active."

"I, uh.."

"Who is the kid?"

"The-the baby? I don't really know much about it other than, I mean, it has fingernails, allegedly."

"Nails, really?"

"Yeah!"

"No, I know I mean who's the father, Juno?"

"Umm.. It's Paulie Bleeker."

"Paulie Bleeker?"

"What?"

"I didn't think he had it in him."

"I know, right?"